Jormungand
by Caelitea
Summary: All of mankind struggles within the coils of the Aragami presence. She discards being a hero, abandons being a god, and unknowingly walks into becoming a monster. But this is about fighting to stay human, and as she flirts with death, that is precisely what she does. —Female Protagonist/Soma


**Story Notes: **_Jormungand_ or _Jörmungandr _is a creature from Norse Mythology, also known as the Midgard Serpent because it so large that it loops around the entire world. _Encyclopedia Mythica_ reads, "It lies deep in the ocean where it bites itself in its tail, and all mankind is caught within his coils." In this fic, although it is not mentioned save for the title, it is meant to symbolize the Aragami and the emotions/thoughts they bring, because they are all over the world and affect Gods Eaters and normal citizens alike in multiple manners.

-_"Flirting with death"_ is an expression that appears in the fic; it basically is used to describe a dangerous/risky situation. In the fic, it has kind of a double meaning that you will see implied.

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"_This is not about being a hero. It's about becoming a god, becoming a monster, and fighting to stay human."_

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There were high expectations from her the minute she was deemed capable of becoming a new-type Gods Eater. When she walked into the Den, all eyes were on her whether it was outright staring or furtive glances. She looked too young back then, with her ivory hair tied into little-girl pigtails adorned with red ribbons to match her eyes. But she walked with a mature confidence and collected purpose; she did not hesitate when she put her hand into the machine and the god inside began to devour her flesh. The Director watched her face contort in pain, her mouth opening to let out a gasp. But there were no screams rebounding off the walls as there had been before. Only that one gasp and nothing more.

The god inside her bracelet laughed and settled inside her with pleasure.

This was the first step in becoming a not-quite-hero.

/ /

There's mixed opinions thrown around about Gods Eaters, but mostly it wavers between _hero_ and _monster_. _Hero_ tends to be thrown out more because who else would protect the normal, fragile citizens from becoming Aragami fodder?

But she does not consider herself a hero. It's not about heroism, this job. It's about survival. She, for one, doesn't mind her occupation, but Gods Eaters don't get a choice. If they're a match, they're all in line to be new recruits fighting for their lives on the frontlines.

This is not about being a hero.

/ /

She loses the little-girl pigtails with their little-girl ribbons. She twists her hair into a side-bun and begins wearing clothes that please her. When she walks down with her elegant blue gothic ensemble, the room goes silent as they stare. No one misses the chance to compliment her—even Shun and Karel who didn't quite like her had to admit she looked beautiful, princess-like. Even Alisa, with her cheeky brat arrogance, let her act fall to praise her style with reverence.

Only Soma continues to give her blunt, cold treatment, which she doesn't mind. Lindow does give him a few smacks for it, though.

But a couple of weeks later and Lindow dies. Sakuya dissolves. Kota pretends. Alisa repents. Soma drowns.

She cries, she waits, and she prays. There isn't a God to pray to—or maybe there are too many—but she does it nonetheless.

When she is appointed leader, a lot of surprise goes around. The congratulations and jealous comments beat on her back but she does not fall to them. Regardless, she can feel the suspicion and worry and nervousness from the people around her, whether they like her or not, because above all she is still a rookie with the least experience out of everyone in the Den.

But the days pass and every mission she is given and takes she meets with success. The congratulations and jealous comments all mesh together and turn into respect, some more grudging than others.

This is not about being a hero.

The thing inside her bracelet, her body, hums with pleasure.

No, this is not about being or becoming a god, either.

/ /

Princesses are just an illusion. She got a lot of praises for her clothes—_princess, princess, beautiful, just like a princess, royalty—_and it was nice but she was far from a princess. Princesses got trapped in towers and swooned at knights and waited for someone, anyone, to come save them.

She shed her little-girl pigtails and ribbons long ago to replace them for the beautiful blade in her hand. She sits in her room—_Lindow's room_—one night, her hands empty of its weight. She had crafted it herself, with its blade and gun resembling the wings of Chi-Yous and its shield reminiscent of a butterfly.

She smiles and smooths out the wrinkles in her skirt fondly. It was a beautiful ensemble, and it was certainly princess-like. She found no insults in the compliments, but after wearing it for so long, it was something that no longer applied to her.

Unbuckling the collar and skirt, she lets the silk material roll off her skin like water and puddle around her feet. Her undergarments join the blue material and she stands naked in the center of her room. Her skin is still creamy and smooth and flawless, and she wonders if remaining perfect is also part of being a Gods Eater. It's not really a reasonable thought though.

She chuckles and powers up the terminal, ready for a new ensemble.

/ /

The next morning, she walks out in a black corset with a tawny brown coat thrown over her shoulders, paired with black shorts held together by strings on the sides and black-and-brown striped tights with brown boots. Her hair's dyed black, and she walks down the stairs without looking at anyone.

Soma, sitting on the couch while waiting for missions, widens his eyes.

Hibari blinks numerous times when the leader approaches her with a smile, ready to schedule a mission. She manages to stutter something about the Director wanting to speak with her, surprised at the First Unit Leader's sudden change of image.

When the new-type walks back up the stairs for her appointment, all eyes follow her. Her expression is blank and stony, and when she disappears into the elevator the room still remains silent for a good three minutes before it erupts.

_Was that really her?_

_Oh my god, she looks so cool._

_I would never have the courage to wear something like that! _

_So she can be daring when she wants to…_

_Wait, she's meeting the Director in that?_

Soma has to chuckle, imagining the Director's face when she walks into his office like she's ready to tame a lion with a whip. But his brief flicker of mirth disappears as quickly as it came, because she's gone to meet his _bastard father_ and seeing her recent accomplishments, he knows what this means.

/ /

When she walks out with that blank face of hers and sees him waiting, she simply leans on the wall opposite of him.

"Don't get close to him," he warns, and she smirks.

"I know. We don't talk very much, but I hope you don't think I'm stupid."

Soma blinks, surprised at the bluntness of her words. Was she always so…straightforward? Though it was true that they hadn't talked much, he couldn't quite remember her being so direct. He tries to remember the missions they've gone on—when he first taught her the basics, along with Lindow and Sakuya. All he remembers is a nervous little girl with her ivory hair tied in pigtails, with red ribbons that matched her eyes.

"What, did you get a new personality with your new clothes?" he throws back, mainly to see how she would react.

She smiles.

"If you could swap personalities with clothes, I'd say that you should wear something brighter, Soma. The yellow doesn't seem to be doing enough."

He cracks a slight smile himself, pushing himself off the wall.

"…and Shio likes bright colors better, you know," she adds, and laughs as she watches him splutter, half-formed indignations falling from his tongue.

"You brat…" he mutters, the soft pink of a blush creeping unwillingly onto his cheeks. He grit his teeth in order to hide his equally unwilling smile, forming an awkward grimace.

She follows his gesture and pushes herself off the wall, grinning, before heading towards the elevator before he has a chance to leave her first.

"Where are you going?" He asks, although he can guess.

She turns back to him with a serious expression in her eyes.

"…Hunting. I don't think it's going to be pretty."

The doors close on her, and though he can't place why, her words send a shiver down his back.

/ /

She comes back covered in blood.

Her hair is loose from its usual bun, the newly white-turned-black matted down with blackish-red Aragami blood. Her skin and clothes are streaked with the stuff and her blade continues to drip some of it over the floor. She wipes her blade on her coat to prevent further mess, soiling the nice material even further.

The Den is silent when she appears and Soma stands from his seated position, just as surprised at her appearance. Sakuya, Alisa, and Kota, whom he had been not-really chatting with, stare along with the rest of the Den.

_I don't think it's going to be pretty, _she had said.

"No kidding," Soma mutters under his breath.

It wasn't unusual to come back with blood streaking their clothes and weapons, but it was her face that was something to be terrified of. Her eyes were furious as she made her way to the front desk. Hibari gulped, and Tatsumi took a step forward, eyes wary.

She tried to soften her face when she saw Hibari's, but when it didn't seem to be working she only sighed, covering her face with her hand to hide her expression alltogether. "I'm sorry, Hibari," she said, "Is the Director in? Can you please tell him that I need to see him?"

The receptionist blinked at the exhaustion in her voice. "Y-yes," she said, somewhat relieved, although she wasn't sure why she felt that way. It wasn't like the First Unit leader was going to attack her. "J-just one minute."

The entire Den was still silent throughout the exchange. Kota looked about ready to say something to break the tension, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. Alisa moved forward tentatively, but Soma put out a hand to stop her.

Right now, this girl was unapproachable and volatile.

When Hibari told her that the Director was free to see her, she left without another word and the room let out a collective breath of relief.

"What…what was wrong with her?" Alisa said quietly. There was no trace of the compassionate girl who had taken care of her when she was mentally unstable.

"I've never seen her like that before. Ever." Kota added. Not even when he continuously bombarded her with his excitement about Bugarally when everyone else had gotten thoroughly annoyed.

"…I wonder what kind of mission she went on," Sakuya murmured, after a moment of silence. She bit her thumb nail, concerned for her leader's health.

The rest of the Den could only wonder, but Soma could only imagine.

In the bustle, he made his way to the director's room, following the droplets of blood that she left behind.

/ /

"_YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS THIS KIND OF MISSION, JOHANNES!"_

Soma was startled at the sound of her voice—partly because she was yelling (as he had never heard her do), partly because she called the Director by his first name (which only Sakaki ever did), and partly because he could hear it at all when his father's room was supposed to be completely soundproof. The door was open just the slightest crack; she must have been in a rush to let out a flood of emotions to close it properly, as was customary.

"I am not required to divulge the details of what I assign you, Gods Eater," he replied coolly, not referring to her by name to remind her exactly who and what she was. "I was not aware that you would act like this."

"_Oh? _Well _I _was not aware that I would be tasked with _assisted suicide_, with killing not-quite-Aragami whose _faces_ I _recognize_!" she hissed furiously. She grabbed the front of his white coat, throwing him against the wall.

Outside, Soma froze at her words, surprised that she had actually been assigned such a thing. Assisted suicide missions were rare, once in a blue moon if ever, and Soma himself was the only other person to have been tasked with the job.

"Your _job_ is to kill the Aragami," the Director said, removing her hands and straightening his coat as he stared at her with cool eyes, "Regardless of their origins, regardless of what they look like."

There was a pause, hot tears rolling down her cheeks as she shook from his pure heartlessness.

"This had an emotional impact on you, as I suspected. Very well. You will be given a week to take a break."

"I am not fishing for a damn break, Johannes," she snarled, glaring.

The Director gave her a thin smile, seemingly amused at her continued usage of his first name. "Then what _are_ you fishing for, Gods Eater? Perhaps you wish to demand that you will receive no more missions of that kind? This is also part of being a Gods Eater. You don't choose what missions to get. Fenrir chooses and _I_ choose, now that you have elevated yourself to such a _trustworthy_ individual." He pauses, sitting down at his desk and folding his arms atop the polished, expensive wood, contemplating her tears. "It pleases me that you are so compassionate, Leader. It reminds us that while we harbor Aragami cells, we are not Aragami themselves."

His tone here softened somewhat. He was mocking her before but now he seemed sincere.

The First Unit leader only closed her eyes, struggling to keep her emotions in control.

"…You're not a Gods Eater, _Director_," She spat through clenched teeth. "You don't have an _inkling_ of how we feel. _Please remember that_."

Johannes von Schicksal only smiled at her use of his title instead of his name, because no matter what he still had control over her as the Director.

"I apologize for my behavior. Thank you for the vacation. I hope yours was enjoyable," she continued, not at all apologetic for what she had done, and not at all grateful for what he had given her in return. And with that, she turned on her heel and left, blood still clinging to her skin and clothes, slamming the door behind her.

She didn't notice the assault sergeant as she made her way to the elevator, hot tears still streaming down her face.

/ /

_This is not about being a hero. It's not about becoming a god. It's about becoming a monster._

She cries as she showers, the hot water rolling off her skin in coalescence with her tears.

_The blood won't come off._

/ /

When she gets out of the shower, dressed in a knee-length, sleeveless black nightgown patterned with white flowers near the hem and towel-drying her hair, she's surprised to find Soma sitting on her couch. She blinks for a moment.

"Hi?" She questions, too surprised to properly welcome him. _How did he even get in?_

"You left your door unlocked," he provides, looking away. It wasn't that she was scandalously dressed (in comparison to earlier today), but something about seeing her in a nightgown with her hair let down, still wet from her shower, prompted him to look away. Like he intruded on her private life and seen something that she hadn't intended him to see, like her crying (all of which we true, he supposed).

But she simply shrugs, opening the mini-fridge and handing him a can of juice she got earlier from the vending machine before popping the top of one for herself.

Soma glances at the can—some artificially flavored strawberry drink—before taking a gulp. It was ridiculously sweet, as suggested with its glaring pink label.

There is a silence as she takes the other side of the sofa.

"Let me guess," she finally says, "You're here to check up on me because of what happened earlier."

"Earlier as in your conversation with my bastard father, yes." Soma replies coolly.

She freezes, the aluminum of the can making a crunching noise as she tightens her grip on it. She doesn't question as to how he heard, since she could probably assume. The silence resumes, and Soma only continues to drink his beverage, waiting for her to speak.

"You've probably been on them before," she says, alluding to the assisted suicide missions.

"Yes." He affirms. "But not many. Once. It doesn't happen often, if ever."

She nods her head. "But it's probably amongst the reasons why you never get close to anyone."

He doesn't confirm nor deny it, but she'd probably heard from Lindow in the beginning that he was so standoffish because he was terrified of seeing a comrade die in front of him. That was true.

"Her name was Risa. Risa Arisaka. She was new and she had—_has_—family in the Outer Ghetto. She tried to stop her friend from touching someone else's God Arc but she bumped into it herself. I had to kill her before she started transforming, because she was already showing signs." She trembles, her voice cracking. "She was just a rookie trying to help out her friend. She asked me for battle advice twice."

Soma gets up from his seat, leaving the can on the table. He stands behind her and puts a warm hand over her eyes as the tears slide down her face once more.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Don't be sorry for anything you do in this godawful place," he answers.

When the tears stop, he faces her and brushes a few strands of hair out of her face with tentative fingers. He tilts up her chin, staring into her cherry colored eyes.

"…Cheer up, yeah?" he says, awkwardly.

His leader bursts out laughing and he smiles.

"You're terrible at this, Soma," she giggles, "…but thank you."

She washes her face at the sink, running a hand through her hair to keep it out of her way. It was actually quite long, Soma realizes, when she wasn't putting it up in some fashion.

"…Why did you change your clothes?" He asked.

He was referring to her change in image, from elegant lady-princess to alluring lion-tamer. She considered replying with something like _what, you don't change clothes when you're ready to sleep? _but decided not to. "Because I'm not a princess, Soma."

He just snorted. "No shit. Those things died out years ago," he said.

She chuckled, amused at his lack of imagination. "I wear what I want and what I like. But I was tired of that image clinging to me. So I changed."

Soma stares at her, contemplating her words. He could understand where she was coming from; it was like breaking the expectations that were forming a thin shell around her. He snickers at the image of her being a helpless princess when she was his leader and crafted her own blades to cut down the Aragami with. "Get to sleep, _princess_."

She scoffs at his mocking tone, taking a seat on her bed and sliding under the covers. "I will, once you get out of my room."

Soma snickered, pleased that she felt better enough to be snarky with him.

He glances at her as he makes his way to the door.

Her form is outlined by the blanket, one arm hugging the covers closer. She blinks at him when she catches him looking and smiles, holding out a hand. With an eyebrow raised, Soma takes it, unsure of what she wants.

"I'm not afraid of Death, Soma," she whispers, letting her fingers fall from his as she closes her eyes. "…And princesses aren't brave enough to flirt with him."

He blinks, confused, but she doesn't offer any more explanation.

When he leaves and she falls asleep, the ghost of a smile graces her lips.

/ /

When he sits in his own room drinking another can of artificial strawberry, he remembers a rumor that stopped a while ago, soon after Lindow's death.

_There's a Death God among us, and he's even worse than Aragami…_

_I'm not afraid of Death, Soma…and princesses aren't brave enough to flirt with him._

He chuckles, piecing them together. That cheeky brat.

He downs the rest of his drink, its sweet flavor rolling down his throat.

/ /

The next morning she walks down in a clean replica of yesterday's. The Den grows silent when she appears.

Kota and Alisa stop their conversation and turn, unsure of whether to approach her. Sakuya examines her leader's expression for a hint of what to do.

The rest of the Den simply watches as she slows her steps, slightly hesitant to continue forward.

Soma sighs and takes the liberty to get up from his seat and start walking, passing her as he makes his way to the elevator.

"Hey. Sleep well, _princess_?" he says, loud enough for the audience to hear. He smirks, amused by the reactions he gets from the other Gods Eaters.

His leader scoffs again as she did last night, punching him in the arm as he passes.

"Like a log, jerk," She retorts. "And get back here, where the hell do you think you're going? I'm signing us up for a mission. Sakuya, Alisa, Kota—out of you three, who wants to stay behind?"

The tension with her team, at least, dissipates as if it was never there.

"Oh! Me! I wanted to finish the rest of season 15 of Bugarally!" Kota says enthusiastically.

"What? No way, be mature about this, Kota." Alisa protests. "I wanted to paint my nails today. Ladies first."

Sakuya watches the other two argue before turning back to her leader with a smile. "I, for one, would be pleased to join the mission," she said.

The First Unit Leader smiles, then turns to Alisa and Kota who were deciding with rock-paper-scissors.

"Yes! I won!" Kota whoops. Alisa pouts.

"Fine! We'll just have a girls-only mission—oh my god, sorry, Soma!"

The assault sergeant growls. "Let's just get this over with," he says, turning away.

Hibari politely smothers her laughter with her hand, while the First Unit Leader leans on the counter and doesn't bother to hide her mirth. Sakuya's tinkling laugh joins in, and eventually, the Den erupts into laughter.

Soma pulls down his hood, hiding his smile as he makes his way towards the elevator.

After a moment to file the mission with Hibari, his leader follows.

"Meet us when you're ready!" she calls to the rest of her team.

Any tension left in the air dissipates, and the Den resumes its warm chatter.

/ /

She meets him in the little shack in the Tranquil Temple, her God Arc slung over her shoulder. He's sitting in the corner, blade on the ground, looking out at the snowy scenery.

"Thank you," she says, softly, taking a seat next to him.

"You know," he says, not looking at her, "Flirting with Death is a dangerous sport."

He hears her chuckle, and then her warm fingers are on his cold cheeks, turning his head towards her.

"I'll take my chances," she says with a smile.

She retracts her hand when Sakuya and Alisa show, chatting about something insignificant.

The warmth from her fingers lingers, and he finds himself waiting to be completely and utterly charmed.

/ /

Her weapon is like an extension of her body, she thinks, as she traverses the snowy terrain of the Tranquil Temple. She stops when she spots the Zygote, rushing forward and smashing her blade into its face.

_No, this is not about being a hero._

She watches it fall and doesn't miss a heartbeat; her blade tears the thing to pieces before it has a chance to rise again. Around her, she can hear the battle cries of her teammates.

She glances at the blood on her hands before she grits her teeth and moves onto the next enemy.

_No, this is not about being a god, either._

She backs up a few steps, and her back meets Soma's. Sakuya and Alisa close in the other sides.

"Looks like this will be an easy win, huh?" Alisa smiles.

"I wouldn't say that just yet," Sakuya replies.

"Don't let your guard down," Soma warns.

"It's coming," their leader says, and a Prithvi Mata rounds the corner. It roars, ice crystals coming off its hide in a pretty blue mist.

_No, nor is this about becoming a monster._

"Let's do this!" Alisa cries, her blade morphing into a gun.

"I'll back you up," Sakuya calls, readying her weapon.

Soma and his leader glance at each other and he smirks.

"Ready to flirt with death?" He smirks, rushing forward.

She laughs, following his footsteps. "I'm always ready," she replies, shoving the blade into the Aragami's side.

_No, this is not about being a hero. It's not about becoming a god or a monster. It's about fighting to stay human._

She leaps onto the Prithvi Mata's back and stabs her blade into its back to keep it still momentarily. Soma looks up at her and she blows him a mocking kiss. He laughs at the sheer absurdity of the action, and Sakuya and Alisa pause as they reload and stare in disbelief.

When the monster roars, she jumps and engages into battle once more with her teammates by her side.

The—_god, monster, creature, thing_—friend in her cells hum with sheer pleasure.

And she's never felt so alive.

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**Author's Notes: **In-game, Gina once described the MC as "the calm one who does crazy things"; the MC blowing Soma a mocking sort of kiss is meant to support that. It's also supposed to signify her humanity; as in, pursuing someone you like, doing crazy things, being happy, etc. Being truly _alive_, and not just a robotic Gods Eater under the Director.

I would be pleased if you would leave me a review telling me your thoughts! :3


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